Octuplet Mom Pregnant Again!

In a surprising development it was revealed today that the "Octuplet Mom" is pregnant again. She has convinced another doctor to implant 8 more embryos. In an impromptu news conference Nadya Suleman stated the following, "Although I agree that 14 children are a lot for a single mother to raise I had always envisioned raising at least 20 children."

The small assembly of reporters seemed stunned by this latest news. Suleman went on to say, "I have listened to the comparisons between myself and Angelina Jolie, but I think everyone can agree that I am way out in the lead now and it will take a long time for Angelina to catch up to me." Asked if that was her reason for becoming pregnant again so soon she said, "That was one of the main reasons. So if people want to get angry with me again then maybe they should get angry at Angelina Jolie instead for completely ignoring me. Without talking to her I had no way of knowing how many children she was planning to birth and adopt. I guess you can say this new batch of babies is a little bit of insurance to make sure that I stay ahead of Angelina."

Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger Had Always Wanted To Try A Water Landing

There is some breaking news coming out of the miraculous U.S. Air Flight which successfully ditched in the Hudson River. It turns out that Captain Sullenberger had always been curious if he "could put one down" successfully in the water. Apparently hours of routine and boring flights were punctuated by thoughts and fantasies of water landing a wide-bodied Airbus A320 in the water someday. Sullenberger said, "My long career was nearing its end and I had yet to fulfill this desire of bringing a large jet in for a water landing."

In speaking about the Flight 1549 incident Sullenberger was quoted as saying, "When the engines failed instinct took over as I assumed control of the aircraft from the co-pilot. Although LaGuardia and Teterboro airports were possible landing sites I knew that I was going to put this baby down in the Hudson River. Once I saw the Hudson River laid out in front of me like a glistening runway there was no airport in the world that could lure me away from my destiny. I would never have another opportunity like this and I felt confident I could full my lifelong dream of a smooth water landing."

In looking back at the experience Captain Sullenberger said, "We probably could have made Teterboro airport, but I think you would agree that the passengers will now have a great story to tell for the rest of their lives. And after all that's what is really important."

Obama Disrepects Bush According To Andrew Card

Former Bush Chief of Staff Andrew Card is again leveling criticism at President Barack Obama for being disrespectful. Last week he claimed that President Obama showed disrespect for the Oval Office and the Presidency by not always wearing a suit jacket in the Oval Office.

This week, immediately after Barack Obama’s prime-time press conference, he claimed that Barack Obama was disrespectful to former President Bush during the press conference. Andrew Card is quoted as saying “It is disrespectful to go in front of the press corps and the entire nation and show a complete command of the major issues after only 3 weeks in office. President Bush never demonstrated this same ability after 8 years in office and Obama’s answers at his press conference can be best described as showing off.”

When asked what he felt President Obama should have done during the press conference, Card said that “I think it would have been more gracious if Obama had given short, flip answers and not try to act like an educated, intelligent guy. It should have been obvious to everyone that Obama crossed the line when he commented so eloquently on the Alex Rodriguez steroid issue.” He went on to say “Baseball is one area where former President Bush felt confident he would be remembered by historians as having no equal. Then President Obama comes along and goes out of his way to try to embarrass former President Bush with his baseball knowledge.”

And finally, Card had this to say, "The next thing you know Obama is going to try to further disrespect the former President by turning the economy around, capturing Osama Bin Laden, passing healthcare legislation, and improving education. I think it is now becoming clear with President Obama’s actions during the first three weeks and his proposed goals during the next four years that he wants to be known as the “Disrespect Bush” President.”