Previously Unknown Details About Obama-Chavez Handshake

In keeping with his administration's pledge for more transparency and in an attempt to quell the uproar created after he shook hands with Hugo Chavez, President Obama's Press Secretary Robert Gibbs released previously unknown details about the encounter at a White House news conference.

Gibbs said, "During their embrace President Obama placed his hand on Hugo Chavez's shoulder and in doing so he planted a sophisticated listening device on the Venezuelan leader. This accounts for President Obama's smile. After planting the bug on Mr. Chavez the President then attempted to apply the Vulcan Nerve Pinch well-known to Star Trek fans around the world. If applied correctly this maneuver normally renders the subject unconscious. Obviously, the Nerve Pinch didn't have the desired result and President Obama is refining his technique as we speak. In fact, he received further training during his stop at CIA headquarters yesterday and we feel confident he cause Mr. Chavez to lose consciousness during their next encounter."

Gibbs sent on to say, "Going forward we would ask that Newt Gingrich, Dick Cheney, and John Ensign refrain from their petty criticisms in the name of national security and thereby allow President Obama's awesomeness not to be limited in these delicate situations. If allowed some space to operate, President Obama can potentially be the CIA's newest and most effective weapon."