Glenn Beck Admits To Being Born As A Woman Following "The Scream Heard Around the World"

Right-wing TV personality and radio talk show host Glenn Beck has been hiding a little secret for many years. The secret was well-kept until a little incident a few days ago in which he became enraged at a female caller to his radio show. The conversation was started off about health care and it was clear "Mr. Beck" was starting to become irritated, but when the conversation veered into deficit spending it was more than "he" could take.

"Mr. Beck" let out a high-pitched squeal during an outburst on his nationally syndicated radio show. He was telling the caller to "get off my phone!" The incident went viral almost immediately (CLICK HERE TO LISTEN). It was obvious to many listeners that a male would find it virtually impossible to hit such a high-pitched note. Then the rumors started to fly. Experts listened to the tape of the incident and many concluded that the voice was indeed that of a female! Repeated requests for comment were turned down by Glenn Beck's office.

But today in the face of undeniable evidence, Beck released a statement admitting he had a sex-change operation in the late 80's. In the statement the former Glenda Michelle-Jones Beck blames "hormones he now takes to maintain masculine characteristics" for his rambling YouTube video he made after last year's surgery and the recent tearing up during his TV show in March. In addition, Beck's statement refers to this week's incident on the radio by saying that, "Unfortunately I missed my dose of hormones that day and when she pissed me off I couldn't handle it anymore. I hope my loyal fans will accept that I am truly happy now as a man and I will never forget my hormones again."

BREAKING NEWS: Election Fraud In Palin's Resignation Decision?

Just one day after Sarah Palin surprised everybody with her decision that she was resigning her position as the Governor Alaska, there is a scandal brewing regarding her announcement. During her press conference she highlighted the fact that she had polled 4 of her children and they all voted for her to leave her position as Governor.

In what may be one of the most bizarre cases of electoral fraud in U.S. history Palin's son Track is claiming his vote was not counted properly. Track Palin is currently serving with distinction in Iraq and submitted his vote via absentee ballot. When reached for comment Track said, "I was stunned to hear my mother say that it was a unanimous vote. I clearly marked my ballot as NO." In a comment reminiscent of the 2000 Presidential election Track said, "There was a problem with the machine when I tried to punch through but I'm sure my intention was clear."

But the most surprising aspect of this story was Sarah Palin's reaction to her son's comments. An official statement released moments ago from the Governor's office reads, "Although Track is a beloved member of our family we stand by our election tally and plan on contesting my son's election challenge in the Alaska Supreme Court. The chad was not really hanging and the dimple in the ballot is hardly evidence of a voter's intention. When we received this ballot and we didn't see a clear vote either way I, as Alaska Governor, looked into my son's heart with a special Alaska Gubernatorial prayer session and counted his vote as supporting my decision. I believe this decision will be upheld by the patriotic Americans serving on the Alaska Supreme Court and we can put this little family squabble behind us."

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford Disappears Again!

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is missing again! He seems to using the long 4th of July weekend to maximum advantage. Nobody from his staff has been able to reach him since Wednesday. The latest developments have him being spotted in Amsterdam and then today a reporter in Thailand caught up with him in Bangkok's "Red Light District."

When asked by the reporter why he had disappeared again and abandoned his official duties as Governor he said, "I have not abandoned my duties as Governor. This is a secret trade mission to help bring more business to South Carolina. In addition, I am on a quest for additional soulmates. Although I already have a soulmate in Argentina, I think it is important to develop soulmates in all parts of the world."

Sanford was then asked by the reporter if it was a little strange that he has been visiting world renowned "sex-tourism" cities. Sanford replied, "It was just a coincidence. I am here to clear my head with a trek in the rainforest" as he strolled down the Bangkok street with two "ladyboys." When asked why he was out at night walking with two of Bangkok's infamous ladyboys, Sanford said "These are my newest soulmates and no other conclusions should be drawn from his activities."