Cheney and Limbaugh Challenge Powell To Wrestling Match!

In a hastily arranged news conference Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh proposed a prime-time pay-per-view wrestling match with former Secretary of State, Colin Powell. They would take on Powell one-at-a-time in a "tag team" format. The news conference was held just hours after Powell went on television and strongly defended his "moderate" status within the Republican party.

Cheney said, "Let's determine the future of the Republican party once and for all." Limbaugh followed-up by saying, "I've been waiting to get my hands on this traitor to our party for a long time." The challenge is particularly stunning considering the fact that Limbaugh is somewhat overweight and Mr. Cheney left the White House in a wheelchair taking with him a host of well-known medical conditions.

In a surprise move, Mr. Powell quickly accepted the challenge. Powell said , "I believe my military background and superior conditioning will allow me to prevail over these two guys who talk tough, but are physically soft. I will fight Mr. Limbaugh and Mr. Cheney provided the following pre-conditions are met:

For Mr. Limbaugh:

1. No drug use, especially Viagra. Nobody wants to see what could result after a super-dose of Viagra and I don't want to deal with it either. I think everyone can agree that it will already be visually unpleasant enough to see Mr. Limbaugh in shorts without adding this element to the mix.
   

For Mr. Cheney:

1. No guns in the ring or in the locker room. If he's capable of shooting his friend in the face, there's no telling what he might be willing to do to me.


2. No use of torture! I know how much he likes it, but I'm not having any of it.
   
3. No use of the Dark Side of the Force. That would be completely inappropriate in this setting."