Kim Jong-il Promises Incredible 4th of July Show for Hawaii Residents

North Korea's leader, Kim Jong-il, is urging residents of Hawaii to get their cameras ready and gather on July 4th at the lookout point for the Kilauea Volcano on the Big Island of Hawaii.

The statement released by North Korea's official news agency said, "Our Dear Leader will demonstrate the awesome capabilities of our military by launching a long-range ballistic missile and putting it directly into the middle of the crater located at Hawaii's Kilauea Volcano. We will both demonstrate our capabilities and give a nice show to Hawaii residents on the 4th of July. The missile will not be armed but the splash of lava should be spectacular. We expect the missile to be immediately destroyed by the lava which will eliminate any possibility of the imperialist spies of United States stealing our superior technology."

The official statement concludes by saying, "This is our gift to the United States and should be received as a gesture of our goodwill. Any attempt to shoot down this missile of peace will be considered a an insult and will have grave consequences. Boredom is the enemy of man and sometimes our Dear Leader likes to have a little fun. Our Dear Leader poses the question, What kind of world would this be if we couldn't launch a long-range missile towards the U.S. every now and then?"

Palin Accuses Letterman of Palling Around With Terrorists

In a move reminiscent of the 2008 Presidential campaign, Gov. Sarah Palin shockingly accused late-night talk show host David Letterman of "palling around with terrorists." Palin's latest salvo in the escalating battle between herself and Letterman was launched at an afternoon news conference today.

Palin said, "Mr. Letterman has a lot of nerve inviting me on his show after offending me and my family last week. Not only is Mr. Letterman a pervert, he is also well-known for his terrorist associations. I think the best example of his interactions with terrorists is seen in the multiple appearances of Barack Obama on his TV show. Everyone knows President Obama loves terrorists such as his good friend William Ayers and the terrorists in Guantanamo Bay. I wouldn't be surprised if the President also has a soft spot in his heart for Osama Bin Laden. Having Barack HUSSEIN Obama on his show is undeniable proof that David Letterman pals around with terrorists. When he stops inviting terrorist sympathizers on his show is when I will consider appearing on the so-called comedian's little TV show."

Kate Gosselin Requests TV Show Name Be Changed To "The Incredible Kate Plus 9"

Although it was no surprise that Jon and Kate Gosselin were having a rough spot in their marriage, many were shocked today when it was revealed that Kate Gosselin officially requested the name of their TV show be changed to "The Incredible Kate Plus 9." The series "Jon and Kate Plus 8" has been a huge success for TLC and has rocketed the Gosselins to superstardom.

In the statement released by Kate Gosselin's attorney she (Kate) was quoted as saying, "It is clear that Jon has displayed child-like behavior recently by running around with a 23 year old bar slut. If he wants to act like a child, then I say we reflect that fact in the name of the show. In addition, it is pretty obvious that I am the one receiving most of the attention from my travels, book tours, and appearances. Why should Jon receive equal billing if I am the one doing all of the work and receiving all of the fame?"

"Lets face it, I carried those babies around in my stomach for 9 months. What did Jon do? He made a deposit and then got fat and lazy. I think most people will agree that the show should now be renamed to "The Incredible Kate Plus 9." The TLC network has declined to comment so far.

OctoMom To Auction 4 Of Her Children on EBay

A few days ago it was revealed that Octomom, Nadya Suleman, will participate in a reality TV show about her life with her 14 children. After the news broke about the TV show Suleman received some criticism for "cashing-in" on her children. But, in giving new meaning to the phrase "striking while the iron is hot," Nadya Suleman announced today that she is "auctioning off" four of her older children.

In front of a throng of reporters and TV cameras Suleman said, "It is strictly a business decision. By auctioning off my oldest children I will still have many years to milk the maximum amount of publicity and money out of my newborn octuplets." The auctions will take place on eBay and will be staggered throughout the month of June. She explained her auction strategy by stating "I was originally going to auction them off all together as a package deal. But I was advised that you can make more money on eBay by breaking them up and selling them individually in much the same way you would sell the lens separately from the camera and receive more money. I understand that the children will be raised by different families, but I am sure they will understand when they are older that it was in my best interest to make as much money as possible."

When asked if she plans to share the proceeds of the auctions with her children being sold on eBay she said, "I have 10 other children to raise which is a very expensive task. Once they are sold, the children are no longer my responsibility and need to be cared for by the auction winners. The fame which I have provided for these children is worth far more than the money I will receive from an online auction. And let's face it, these children brought me no fame or money; all of that came from the birth of my precious octuplets."